What to Say to a Recovering Addict
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For most recovering addicts, relapse is almost inevitable. What can you say to a recovering addict who is craving the substance of their addiction? Finding the right words to say to someone who is caught between the stage of recovery and using once again is not easy. It is at this time that a drug addict is most vulnerable to their substance of abuse, and most sensitive.
Anyone who has ever been addicted to a drug will tell you that the pain associated with the recovery stage of drug addiction is implausible and often it is indescribable with words. It can be so overwhelming that at times it is almost as if there are two of you, one urging you to take the drug and the other begging—and I do mean begging you not to take it. So just what do you say to someone who is in recovery?
I am a recovered crack cocaine addict and I have been clean since 1994. During the time that I was going through withdrawal, many times I found myself in this precarious position. My friends and family members would try to comfort me but their words were empty, and no matter what they said it didn’t register with me.
Of all the people who ever tried to comfort me as I struggled to recover from a serious crack cocaine addiction, with all honesty I will say that the words of three people had the most profound impact on my recovery, and my life, for that matter. A friend whom I have known since I was seven years old, my son and my daughter—these are the three people whom I would say is directly responsible for my recovery.
In the darkest hours of my recovery, when I was on the border line of once again being swallowed up by the drug that had caused me so much misery, my friend would call as if she knew that I was thinking about smoking another crack rock. She wouldn’t lecture me like many of my other friends did, instead she would tell me, “You don’t have to do this alone; I’m here for you”. And although I have not craved crack since 1994 those words still reverberate in the core of my being today.
Incredibly, my daughter who was only eleven years old at the time had never given up on me. I was ashamed to face her and she knew it. But she would often say, “I love you daddy and I know you’re not going to be like this always.” It meant the world to me to know that my baby girl could genuinely love me in the despicable state that I was in.
Then there was my son, who would tell me time after time, “You can do this daddy. If no one else believes you can, I do.”
When I faced my demon in recovery I felt that I was alone because after all, I had lost everything I owned including my family. It amazed me to learn that in the midst the darkest hours of my life that these three people chose to love me unconditionally and that they were willing to stand with me.
When I think back to that time in my addiction it was their words that gave me the courage and strength to endure the pain of withdrawal.
The most heartening words anyone could ever say to someone who is in recovery would undoubtedly be words of encouragement. Drug addicts do not like to be lectured. It is probably because they have already experienced whatever it is you are lecturing them about. One of the worst things you can do to an addict in recovery is to begin scolding them about their drug use and telling them how their world will come to an end if they start using again.
Even after an addicted person has stopped using the substance of their abuse their recovery will take some time. A little love, lots of patience and a caring attitude is the best medicine for someone who is in recovery. But above all, genuine words of encouragement will do more to help a recovering addict than you can ever imagine.
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I have been sober for almost a year but relapsed over 4 months ago, been totally sober since. I have no support, no friends, no family. I m struggling to keep clean from alcohol, and drugs(crack). I bought my own apartment, going to college everyday, having no support at all since.. U will never understand what i m going through.. i m still being abused, still have no support at all, and look at me i m still sober.... but I have been thinking about ending my life or relapsing.. i cant go on like this anymore. I am in so much pain all alone too long... all i know is I m the strongest girl i ever see.... i have overcomed everything.... signs... noone cares.. i had to do it all alone.. i m a crack recovery addict.... gosh i hate this damn world full of heartless people! noone will understand me anyway.. its easy for u because u have loved ones. i have NOONE!!! NOT EVEN 1 SUPPORTIVE PERSON! sighhhs bye
Upset go to NA meetings and get a sponser. There are many people just like you whom will care about you and your recovery. You don't have to do it all alone!
Upset - my heart really goes out to you - i have only recently found out that my son, who lives 1200km away is a drug addict and alcoholic. I'm experiencing some of his pain, and I really feel bad for you that you don't have any support - but i agree with responsive - go to NA, they're found in all areas - my son in rehab has so much as said to me that if it wasn't for others like him - he wouldn't be able to make it - please don't do anything to yourself - God has a plan for your life - If NA isn't an option, please turn to God - He is you help - good luck child
Thank you Eric for giving me a chance to read your story. It really makes a difference knowing that words still have the power to heal. My brother has been clean from crack addiction for a little over 3 months now, it hasn't been easy for anyone but especially for him. I am there for him but sometimes find it hard to encourage his progress. I stumble on what to say and feel like i cant do enough. My heart, love and everything goes out to anyone having to battle an addiction. We need to remember that there are programs out there made for especially for each individual. And like Eric's friend said: You don't need to go through this alone. Lots of love and prayers, A sister out there.
Thank you for your story. I had 10 years clean and sober and relaped two months ago. I am struggling to stay clean, and I have to remember that I don't have to do this alone. I have a community of people who love me and want to help me.
Check out my friend's FB page. He is a recovering addict and wrote a book about his struggles about abuse, deppression and drug addiction.
My son is in rehab very far from where we live. He has ruined our family and stolen from us many times.
we do still love him and want him to get well. What to we say during our visits with him in the center. Should we stay away or visit? We cannot be there all the time.
I feel guilty and are helpless for what to do.
I've struggled with a cocaine addiction(shooting powder and smoking it)for almost a decade. Then last July 17, I just 'woke" up that it wasn't fun anymore and I was tired of the paranoia, the money issues, etc. So I just quit. I've tried so many times before but I guess it didn't take cuz' I didn't truly want it. Then 3 days ago, as I was walking into work I look down at a baggie in the doorway. To my trained eye, I found ~$200 worth of crack!! I had a few moments of intense soul searching:does is count as going back if I didn't buy it?,etc.I chose to give it to a manager. Who would have thought I could do it. She of course, calls the cops who come and claim it and sat its only about $20 worth. Really?!!! I KNOW better. I know what he'll write in his report and what will happen to the rest of it. A crooked cop just made some money But at least I was able to choose. Maybe a few here will know what a step like that means. People at work said I was an idiot for not keeping it and selling it. As if I could have held on to it without using again. I'm proud of the strength I didn't know I had left.
Just thought a gentle reminder to folks who know someone struggling:even those who are 'straight now' have flashbacks. Small things are huge to someone fragile and 'jonesin'. To this day, I can't watch a show where they draw blood--it triggers a reaction in me and I have to look away, I don't go by some places b/c I know what will happen if I even let myself drive by---me and temptation were quite a pair. If you have a friend or loved one still struggling just remember that there are moments that will threaten to swallow them but as long as they have someone there--be it an on-line community, family, or friends--you provide an anchor for that person. And a slip up does not a hopeless person make.
@Elsie2012: Your feelings are valid. But your son is still your son. Everyone makes mistakes. How you choose to deal with others shortcomings is your choice but I would say go. To forgive and keep trying to move forward is a testament to the power of faith in not just your son but in yourself too. Ask about his days, ask about his good moments--let him open up if he can about the good and the bad. Maybe he's just as confused about what to do as you. Maybe you can start mending somewhere in the middle. Good luck.
@Ashley: I don't believe recovery is possible w/out relapses. Those moments when you ask yourself "Why am I doing this again?" "How did I let this happen?" They teach you how to fortify your walls--where the leaks are And where they are NOT. You are not alone. Focus on your battles and you will win--one at a time. recovery doesn't happen overnight. Anything worth having involves a process and your on that path. I don't believe recovery is a one size fits all label. How I choose 'recovered' to label me won't be yours. Let the slip-ups show you the real demons and focus.
still amazed at how some people view "DRUG_USERS". As if we're all pimpin' ourselves w no teeth, in and out of jail, incapable of blending in society. I've held jobs,never been in jail,handled bills, and functioned in society---but internally struggled. Stereotypes are not absolutes.Perhaps if more people realized that, addiction would not be the elephant in the room most tip-toe around.
All things are possible, most especially recovery from drugs. We relaps because we are not willing to die to ourselves because death hurts.
If you are willing to suffer through your delimma you can be free. The pain only lasts a little while. I know... I was a crack addict for 12 years; I have been clean for 18 years... no relapse!
I have been clean for 3 weeks now which is a first for me in a LONG time, I usually relapse after 2 weeks but I've managed to push past that and hope to keep going. When I crave I just think of all the bad things to come once the 'high' is over and realise it ain't worth it. I live alone and have no family around me which makes things harder! I'm a fighter though and believe I will not let the drug 'ice' rule my life!!
I came here to find answers how to deal with my brother who has had a relapse, he has been doing so well for the last 3 months. My sister informed me that my brother will be calling me to talk about his relapse, he was worried about my disappointment. Reading all your comments I thank you. I will support him and only discuss the positive things he as done in the last 3 months, I don't need to tell him he made a mistake. His punishment of his own guilt is enough for him to handle.
That is one good way to defeat your habit. If you think of all the misery and pain that you have already faced, and know that it will return, then surely you will not want to go through that again. You are in control. Believe that and win.
this was unbeleiveably helpful. my father is in rehab from meth and through his recovery i want to be there for him but i never really knew what to say. thank u for giving me some insight as to what to say to help my father recover.
Naranon helps people who love an addict. Thank you for giving me the words to get my daughter through another tigger.
rose56 2 years ago
Good hub.